Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Miracle Drug

Last night has got to be one of those nights in which you could only pray to have as much fun as desired. I was so embraced by pleasure in every way that it literally took control over me. Allow me to dive into my night of debauchery.

I went to a sports restaurant to see a few rock bands play to which I was invited by one of my friends, Rob, who plays in one of the local bands. He loves music, partying and something else which tickled my fancy later that evening.

Once we had beers, after we left, and after we had gorged ourselves with Denny's coffee with samplers galore, we went back to his house for a short jam session with friends.

"Do you smoke pot?" asked Rob. I said that I do but only socially. We made plans to arrange a few hits for each taker of which I was a obviously an inexperienced partaker.

My first hit was short, but then after that they passed it to me a second time. I admitted that I wasn't good at smoking weed because I can't ever inhale it right. Though I was clearly hinting at them to help me know how I should prepare for a hit, they just instructed me to simply let it into my lungs so that it rests there for at least 10 seconds.

My lungs shrank slightly blowing some air out to prepare for an bigger intake, I lit up the edge of the blunt, soaked up the grass's burnt scent and allowed the minty flavored peppers into my lungs as I gradually expanded my diaphragm. I counted ... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ...

As I counted I was pondering over the fact that I've never been high before. I've smoked weed before but I've never really felt the actual "high". Perhaps I smoked like Bill Clinton when he was in college.

... 8 ... 9 ... 10 ... uhh ... 11 ... 12 ... 13! I blew out slowly the gases of carbon dioxide from my held breath. Making clear, ghostly rings into the cold air.

At first I didn't feel anything. But I needed to cough out the weighty fragments out of my mouth. I coughed for a good minute or two to which I heard my other friend say, "You're going to get really high man. Look at your eyes!" My eyes were matching the color of my skin.

Rob wanted to tune his guitar to mine. So I played each string carefully looking down at my acoustic. I'm looking directly at it for a while trying to feel the heat come back to my cold fingers. I felt like my body was vibrating with every note I stroke. Rob was concentrating on tuning his guitar to my low E string for a minute. He's a perfectionist.

Then it was the A string. It sounded more high pitched as usual, only this time I, for some reason, forgot that I needed to ask for a pick. I usually play with one even when I tune my guitar. It didn't matter though because my hand was cold anyway ... I couldn't feel it yet. Then I was tuning the D string, and I immediately thought I was playing a song. So I rock back and forth to a rhythm that I kept for a few minutes which being consciously aware that Rob was syncing his tuning to my strings. Suddenly it became a beautiful piece of music. It was not only meditative but it captured my attention span for the entire time. I suddenly lost track of the existence of the world around me and the people in the room. Rob didn't even exist at this point. It was just me and my guitar in a heavenly ritual.

In mid-plucking of my strings, I stopped. Is it possible to be surprised where you are standing? This is the pivotal moment of my life where I finally knew that I felt different. I knew something was wrong with me, and the time it took was minimal. I knew I was high and I lost control of my inhibitions. I didn't know where I was anymore. I looked around and remembered that I was at Rob's house. George and Cedric were looking at me with smiles ... they knew I was fucked up.

"Vince are you okay?" asked Rob.
"I'm good, I'm really good." I said, but I didn't speak ... at least I didn't remember speaking but I knew I said that. One thing about being high is that you're aware that you're contradicting yourself but you still go with the flow and pray that you start shutting up before you fuck up your grammar again.

As a scientist (a lifestyle I chose to live by), I began to notice that when you're high you have a disassociation with reality even though your senses may feel empowered. But some moment of the night I felt so stupid and useless. ... and thirsty!

"I need some water, can I have a glass?" I took a sip and I didn't need water anymore. I kinda felt obligated to "save" some water for Rob. But that's illogical because water is free. I was so out of it.

There were other moments throughout the night that I needed to slowly count up to 5 to test to see how high I was. I started laughing by number 3. Another time I kept imagining that it was daytime or nighttime and inconsistent moments of the time I was at Rob's place. Once I kept apologizing for being high. That laughter was contagious, more contagious than when sober and it kept getting more funny as soon as the initial chuckle takes place. It was very bad, but I will admit that the hilarity was irreplaceable.

At one point Rob and the group wanted to see a movie so we popped in a dark-comedy classic Sean of the Dead. I remember seeing it but I kept telling everyone repeatedly that I really like the movie as if I believed that as soon as I said it I didn't want others to forget that I favored the movie. "My favorite thing about this movie is the first part." I didn't know why I said that.

After watching the movie for 20 minutes I said something weird but then I laughed so fucking hard I wanted to fall down on the floor. I said, "OMG I thought we were watching Ghost Busters!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" My stomach was so cringed and soar from laughing but I kept going.

"WHAAAT!?" shouted both George and Nick sitting on the couch across the room. I laughed until my tears gave up on me. Everyone knew I was fucked up. But we all laughed at the hilarity of the situation. It was very very funny. But this is the only part of the night that made it all magical. I just loved the fact that I was with friends laughing at a comedy flick at scene where it's not meant to be funny, eating salted crackers and tasting the sensation of salt so much that it made my eyes water up even more, and asking deeply philosophical questions to the group. "Hey guys do you think it's okay to distrust people?" I don't know, but when I was high I felt it harder to trust people around me even after knowing Rob and George for so long.

So what do I think of MJ? I think it was ... interesting, I think I'd like to get high some other day but I don't think it would be good to have such annoying stimulations around me like I did last night. There are some bad things to getting high and there definitely are some awesome experiences one can draw from them.

For one, I don't like having no control over a situation and while I was stoned, I couldn't tell the difference if I was playing the guitar or if my fingers were. At some moments I felt so helpless that my value of life decreased to a stage of contemplation of suicide. I didn't value my life as much when I'm was high. And I consider myself a deeply humane person.

But the value of being high is the awareness level. Self-awareness is very high. I was able to dig inside my head because the outside world was clearly an illusion, like a dream, nothing was real except my consciousness. I felt as if I died and yet I was still awake. It was the deepest philosophical lens I could peer through alongside my regular meditation practices. I still value Meditation above marijuana for it's loyalty to the Buddhist values of simplicity and absence of drug-use. I strongly encourage everyone to peer into your own mind through an active practice of meditation and always question what is real and unreal - but of course without the use of substance.

Marijuana might not be a performance enhancing drug but it certainly can give you a lens in how to see reality and I support looking at the world through different interpretations.

As I mentioned in the last blog post about God, consciousness is the only thing that exists in our universe. Atoms, molecules and matter cannot really exist without our minds first seeing these wonders of nature. But our own minds create the world around us. Without minds, the universe would be blind and unnoticed. That is why I call MJ a miracle drug, because in order to see reality for what it truly is, you must first accept that the death of your ego doesn't mean your urge to discover reality dies with it. Reality is inside of us and it cannot ever be from the outside world. If you are under the influence of drugs, the outside world might change, but the inside world ... reality cannot.

Thank you for your time friends. Please let me know what you think of the artwork above. :)